Degrassi "With or Without You"

Anya and Sav

Yesterday I (Saniya) had the tv on as background noise when suddenly I realized that there was a desi boy and a white girl on screen, obviously in a relationship. Later on, I found out that this show is called Degrassi, a Canadian show about high school teenagers dealing with issues they face in high school. In this particular episode, "With or Without You," the couple was in a tent and the topic of sex came up. The desi boy, Sav, said that they didn't have to if the girl, Anya, did not want to. Very understanding of Sav. Then Anya said she did want to. Unfortunately, they did not have a chance to get too far because of some commotion outside of their tent. Turns out somebody had put a snake in the tent of an outcast, Johnny.

Alli and Johnny

And Alli, Sav's little sister, happened to be in that tent with Johnny. Though they were not doing anything, Sav completely freaked out and yelled at Alli about being alone in a tent with a boy and how no family would ever want her for their son, etc. etc. In the meantime, Anya heard Sav's words. After Sav sent Alli to her tent, he went to Anya and Anya also pointed out to him that she is a girl alone in a tent with a boy. She also mentioned his double standards and how she is obviously not good enough for him. After the trip, Anya met him in school and gave him a box with everything he had ever given her.




This episode really struck a chord with me. One of the topics Meghna and I have been talking about is this double standard when it comes to desi boys and desi girls. Why is it that desi boys can do anything and everything and that desi girls are restricted from doing anything at all? A desi boy is encouraged to go out and play. A desi girl needs to sit at home and learn to cook, do the household chores and even take care of their brother(s) by cleaning up after them and serving them, etc. Boys are not expected to help around the house. If a desi boy goes out with a girl, the parents are often more forgiving to their son. It is either a phase he is going through (if the girl is not desi) but if the girl is desi then it depends on if the parents like her or not. If the parents don't, it is back to the phase thing, if they do, then marriage is in the air.
Desi girls, however, are not allowed to get involved with boys, be seen alone with boys, chat too long with boys, etc. etc. Just as Sav said, who will want such a girl for their son? A desi girl has to remain pure, virginal, homely, learn to bow her head and listen for someday she will be living in her mother-in-law's house. Her identity is decided for her. Daughter, sister, wife, daughter-in-law. Does she ever become her own woman? Hardly ever allowed nor tolerated.

Sav and Alli

I was quite glad to see this happen on television. I am getting quite tired and annoyed of this hyprocritical attitude regarding desi boys and desi girls. It is so weird for me, a desi girl, to read and be confronted with these double standards through television and blogs, but it is so important to talk about it. Regarding this episode, I really do wonder. Does Sav even realize how he is behaving? And what makes it okay for Sav to have sex with his white girlfriend, while his little sister cannot even be alone with a white boy without even having sex with him? Where did he get these ideas from? His parents? His family? His friends? His surroundings? He yells at his sister for not doing something while he was close to doing that himself?


I do not know if I will be watching any more Degrassi episodes but I thought it would be interesting to mention this. Perhaps there are desi brothers out there who are aware of this double standard? And if they are, what choices can they make? They are actually really looking out for their little sister, for desi society can be so evil when it comes to these stupid things. How can a desi boy tolerate feminism and equality for women in his sister when society will take one look at this independent woman and crush her completely?


Is it then society who feeds the desi sons this double standard and keeps this vicious cycle going? Parents, auntyjis and unclejis whose gossip and vicious tongues and lies and hypocrisy make it so that the new generation stay stuck in archaic patterns without revolution, reinvention, freedom and independence?


I do not know. But I do wish there was a way for society to be more kind and accepting towards women and to be less hypocritical when it comes to the freedom that boys have vs. the limitations that girls have. I guess, you may say I'm a dreamer. :)