Degrassi again…

When Saniya told me (Meghna) about the Degrassi episode discussed in a previous post, I immediately remembered a Degrassi episode I saw a few months ago. I was at the gym, running on the treadmill when I noticed a Desi girl on the screen in front of me. I became interested. She was bragging to a friend about how her boyfriend was so nice when he was alone with her, while he was an…eh…angry outcast type in school? I dunno, she seemed popular and he didn’t fit it. He was quite content to not fit in though. But Alli (the girl) was determined to turn him into her perfect prince. She went to him during lunch breaks, sat on his lap and fed him yogurt or something. Needless to say, Johnny (the boy) was pissed off. He complained and said something like, “I’m not complaining because we’re not having sex, but you gotta let me be”. Alli felt bad after this. I missed the middle bit because I had to lift some weights :p but when I came back I saw that she had sent him a photo of herself, without clothes on… A nude picture, that (I nearly screamed when this happened) got out!! The principal called her in and said, “Protect your body Alli, you’re the only one who can”. (very true!!)

I was horrified! What was she thinking!! A naked picture of herself on her boyfriend’s cell phone?? Why did she do that? It occurred to me that Johnny’s remark probably would’ve have made Alli insecure. Would he stay with her if she continued to deny him sex? She most likely felt like she had to give him something, anything to keep him…and that’s when despair whispered that crazy idea into her ear.

I know plenty of girls who do desperate things to keep the man they love. Not just Desis! Oh no, I’ve seen women from all kinds of cultures do things I – to be honest – disapprove of. Varying from checking their phone every few minutes, to denying themselves happiness because he’s not there…I know girls who washed their boyfriend’s cars and didn’t receive a “thank you”. I know girls who moved to the other side of the country to be with him and still barely see him. I looked and gave advice as best as I could. But I always went to my little sister and said, “When a guy treats you like that, walk away”.

But I’m losing focus. Back to Alli and the sex thing. Premarital sex for a Desi girl is off limits. However, when you’re dating a white guy, he expects it because it’s normal. Some guys can be understanding about this, others walk away… I think that Alli was afraid Johnny would walk away and wanted to give him something, since she could not give him the actual deed. Part of me wondered whether Alli didn’t want to sleep with him or wasn’t “allowed” too. If Alli had not been Desi, what would she have done?

This is an issue that often plays a role when a Desi girl dates a Non-Desi guy. I daresay, every Desi guy would not mind to wait until they’re married. However, those are the guys I know. I read an article in an English magazine a few years ago about Desis dating. Apparently, the Desis who were interviewed claimed that the Desi boys they date, sort of…eh…demand sex? Not that they force the girls to do things they don’t want to do. But they don’t want to wait either. The interviewer asked the girls how they responded. Well, the Desi girls thought it was OK, as long as they’re not having one-night-stands. Of course, their parents must never find out. When the interviewer asked the girls why they wouldn’t say no, the girls replied, “If a man gives us love, we are happy. If he needs sex, then that’s what we’ll have to give to be loved. Also, we’re used to listening to our fathers. We’re taught to obey men. So…” The interviewer had one more question, “Who buys protection? I can imagine an aunty catching you and you getting into serious trouble at home.” The answer was quite shocking. They don’t use protection. Apparently, the guys don’t like them, so… Lots of girls get pregnant and have an abortion. What about STDs though? I mean, this is the way to spread them right?

I was outraged when I read this article! Then I look at Alli and her desperate attempt to secure her man. What’s going on with us Desi girls?! Are we indeed so used to obeying our father that we cannot but give in to our boyfriends wishes? Can we not stand up for ourselves because we’re merely girls? Didn’t we pay attention in biology and learn how people get AIDS? Or do we simply not care? Are we that desperate to have a man love us? So incredibly desperate that we don’t love ourselves anymore???

 

Yes, yes I love Alicia Keys, I know :p but these lyrics are excellent!!!