Degrassi again…

When Saniya told me (Meghna) about the Degrassi episode discussed in a previous post, I immediately remembered a Degrassi episode I saw a few months ago. I was at the gym, running on the treadmill when I noticed a Desi girl on the screen in front of me. I became interested. She was bragging to a friend about how her boyfriend was so nice when he was alone with her, while he was an…eh…angry outcast type in school? I dunno, she seemed popular and he didn’t fit it. He was quite content to not fit in though. But Alli (the girl) was determined to turn him into her perfect prince. She went to him during lunch breaks, sat on his lap and fed him yogurt or something. Needless to say, Johnny (the boy) was pissed off. He complained and said something like, “I’m not complaining because we’re not having sex, but you gotta let me be”. Alli felt bad after this. I missed the middle bit because I had to lift some weights :p but when I came back I saw that she had sent him a photo of herself, without clothes on… A nude picture, that (I nearly screamed when this happened) got out!! The principal called her in and said, “Protect your body Alli, you’re the only one who can”. (very true!!)

I was horrified! What was she thinking!! A naked picture of herself on her boyfriend’s cell phone?? Why did she do that? It occurred to me that Johnny’s remark probably would’ve have made Alli insecure. Would he stay with her if she continued to deny him sex? She most likely felt like she had to give him something, anything to keep him…and that’s when despair whispered that crazy idea into her ear.

Meghna on Desi Family and Society

As this has become already clear in a previous post, family and society are important elements in a Desi’s life. I’d like to emphasize that what am I about to describe is Desi family and society in general. There are exceptions! In some cases, things are much better or worse…

Family is there – well – because it’s there :p But family looks after family. Parents after their children, older siblings after younger siblings etc. They give you shelter, love and protection.  In case of a Desi family, the latter is very important. There’s also society.

Desi society is a peculiar thing. It consists of people you call aunty and uncle (though they’re not truly related to you) and their kids. Sometimes, and hopefully very often, aunty and uncle are like family. You like them; they like you. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. People can be mean, all people, not just Desis, of course. When someone else is more successful, they become jealous and try to demean your success. When you’re different (my sister deals with this a lot, but I’ll explain that another time), they make fun of you. When you want to live life differently, you’re weird. Some people are so terrified of change, I suggest they never watch Discovery Channel or follow all the progress the world makes. This is also the case with Desi society. Beneath the smiles, the kindness and the fun, a layer of envy, control and fear exists. Of course, this differs per Desi, but in general, this is Desi society. An American friend of mine grew up in some small town filled with rich people and pointed out to me that it’s the same over there. Everyone wants to succeed more than the other, everyone wants to be happier, smarter, prettier…

Degrassi "With or Without You"

Anya and Sav

Yesterday I (Saniya) had the tv on as background noise when suddenly I realized that there was a desi boy and a white girl on screen, obviously in a relationship. Later on, I found out that this show is called Degrassi, a Canadian show about high school teenagers dealing with issues they face in high school. In this particular episode, "With or Without You," the couple was in a tent and the topic of sex came up. The desi boy, Sav, said that they didn't have to if the girl, Anya, did not want to. Very understanding of Sav. Then Anya said she did want to. Unfortunately, they did not have a chance to get too far because of some commotion outside of their tent. Turns out somebody had put a snake in the tent of an outcast, Johnny.

Alli and Johnny

And Alli, Sav's little sister, happened to be in that tent with Johnny. Though they were not doing anything, Sav completely freaked out and yelled at Alli about being alone in a tent with a boy and how no family would ever want her for their son, etc. etc. In the meantime, Anya heard Sav's words. After Sav sent Alli to her tent, he went to Anya and Anya also pointed out to him that she is a girl alone in a tent with a boy. She also mentioned his double standards and how she is obviously not good enough for him. After the trip, Anya met him in school and gave him a box with everything he had ever given her.




This episode really struck a chord with me. One of the topics Meghna and I have been talking about is this double standard when it comes to desi boys and desi girls. Why is it that desi boys can do anything and everything and that desi girls are restricted from doing anything at all? A desi boy is encouraged to go out and play. A desi girl needs to sit at home and learn to cook, do the household chores and even take care of their brother(s) by cleaning up after them and serving them, etc. Boys are not expected to help around the house. If a desi boy goes out with a girl, the parents are often more forgiving to their son. It is either a phase he is going through (if the girl is not desi) but if the girl is desi then it depends on if the parents like her or not. If the parents don't, it is back to the phase thing, if they do, then marriage is in the air.
Desi girls, however, are not allowed to get involved with boys, be seen alone with boys, chat too long with boys, etc. etc. Just as Sav said, who will want such a girl for their son? A desi girl has to remain pure, virginal, homely, learn to bow her head and listen for someday she will be living in her mother-in-law's house. Her identity is decided for her. Daughter, sister, wife, daughter-in-law. Does she ever become her own woman? Hardly ever allowed nor tolerated.

Sav and Alli

I was quite glad to see this happen on television. I am getting quite tired and annoyed of this hyprocritical attitude regarding desi boys and desi girls. It is so weird for me, a desi girl, to read and be confronted with these double standards through television and blogs, but it is so important to talk about it. Regarding this episode, I really do wonder. Does Sav even realize how he is behaving? And what makes it okay for Sav to have sex with his white girlfriend, while his little sister cannot even be alone with a white boy without even having sex with him? Where did he get these ideas from? His parents? His family? His friends? His surroundings? He yells at his sister for not doing something while he was close to doing that himself?


I do not know if I will be watching any more Degrassi episodes but I thought it would be interesting to mention this. Perhaps there are desi brothers out there who are aware of this double standard? And if they are, what choices can they make? They are actually really looking out for their little sister, for desi society can be so evil when it comes to these stupid things. How can a desi boy tolerate feminism and equality for women in his sister when society will take one look at this independent woman and crush her completely?


Is it then society who feeds the desi sons this double standard and keeps this vicious cycle going? Parents, auntyjis and unclejis whose gossip and vicious tongues and lies and hypocrisy make it so that the new generation stay stuck in archaic patterns without revolution, reinvention, freedom and independence?


I do not know. But I do wish there was a way for society to be more kind and accepting towards women and to be less hypocritical when it comes to the freedom that boys have vs. the limitations that girls have. I guess, you may say I'm a dreamer. :)

Meghna on a Desi Teenage Love Affair

After searching for what seemed ages, I discovered that I could not notice Desi Love without a form of commitment – meaning that the happy couple was either engaged or married. Before that period, one does not see the love. This is strange, isn’t it? But then I realized something and it all made sense. I’ll explain this, but first let me tell you a story. Once upon a time a little girl fell in love with a Desi boy. The consequences that follow are rather disastrous because there actually is a real good reason why I couldn’t find Just Desi Love: it’s a secret…

Imagine two Desi teenagers who fell in love the way only teenagers can, careless, deeply, passionately and reckless. Now that is the teenage part. The Desi part commanded them to be indirect, secretly and proper. Now when it comes to love, any kind of love, that is incredibly hard. Needless to say, these two kids made a small mess. I’m not being sarcastic here, the mess really was small. Know why? Because the ultimate Protector and Supervisor kept an eye on them: Family. While these two kids were dealing with their awkwardness, shyness and hormones that all of a sudden had taken control over them (being a teenager and in love is quite complicated), they were watched by Family, the Protector. Now, if there is a Protector there is also something that one needs to be protected from. The Bad Guy or the Enemy, or in this case the Bad Guy looking like a Good Guy. Let’s call him Wormtail after the guy in Harry Potter whom everyone thought was good, but really wasn’t. Wormtail is Society, Desi Society.

Happy New Year!!

Saniya
and

Meghna
wish
you
all
a
very
happy
and
healthy
2012!!!