by Meghna
Recently, I
saw the Bollywood movie Aashiqui 2. After watching it, I first cried my eyes
out (it was soo sad!!) and then I started thinking. At 2 am, I began to ponder
the notion of standing by someone, being there for someone… How long do you
stand by a loved one who’s not doing well, who is being self-destructive and
takes you down with him or her? Where do you draw the line? In order to explain
what was going on in my head I first need to tell you very briefly what the
film was about. Mind you, this is gonna be a major spoiler alert!
The story
revolves around two singers, Rahul and Aarohi. Rahul is a superstar who cannot
cope with his success and developed a drinking problem. Aarohi is a poor girl
struggling to become a singer. When fate brings them together, Rahul helps
Aarohi to become a superstar too. On this journey they fall deeply in love with
each other. Unfortunately, Rahul cannot get his drinking problem under control
and as Aarohi becomes more and more successful, he falls deeper and deeper into
a pit of darkness and clings tighter and tighter to alcohol. Aarohi stands by
him and uses affection, love and care to try to straighten him out. Rahul tries
and tries, but just cannot stop anymore. As the ending draws near, it is clear
that Aarohi is getting worse and worse while trying to take care of Rahul. She
suffers too from Rahul’s addiction to alcohol. Still, she stands by him. In the
end, she is willing to leave all her success behind and give up her dreams to
be with Rahul. The movie ends with Rahul’s suicide.
How many of
us have met people like Rahul? I’m not just talking about romantic
relationships here. I’m talking about all kinds of relationships. A friend, a
relative or a significant other who was or is on a self-destructive path and
sinks deeper and deeper into misery. Well, I met a couple of those people. I
watched as other people I knew offered a helping hand and eventually I began to
offer my own helping hands too. I’ve also watched the Rahuls turn away from
those helping hands and move into a space beyond helping hands. Luckily, some people
got their lives on track all on their own. Others are still struggling. I’ve
seen the helping hands wither as they poured all their energy into the other
person, like Aarohi. Yet, they never give up like Aarohi. Love really is very
powerful.
But as I
watched the movie and enjoyed its soulful music and good acting, I couldn’t
help but think, ‘This is such an unhealthy relationship!’ I’d be lying if I
said I agree with Aarohi’s persistence in helping Rahul. Every time a scene was
shown in which Rahul got worse I thought, “Leave him! Leave him!” At some point
I wondered if perhaps she leaving him would incentivize Rahul to go to rehab.
Another part of me seriously respected her for never giving up and for having
hope. It was a fool’s hope perhaps, but still… damn, I feel it in my heart when
I’m just remembering the movie! Needless
to say, I was really touched by it.
So, at 2 am
I was twisting and turning trying to decide whether Aarohi should’ve left Rahul
or not. I started asking myself what I would’ve done. I think I would’ve left
him, but then perhaps I would’ve been so in love that I wouldn’t…An hour
must’ve passed by. When the sun began to rise I still hadn’t figured it out…
I wonder
though where a person can or should draw the line when they have a loved one on
a self-destructive path that takes him or her down too. How do we cope with
unhealthy relationships? How long do you stand by them and try to help them? Traditionally
Desi girls grow up to believe that no matter what happens, they have to take
care of their family and husband. I know several Desi women who won’t end their
marriage and put up with abusive husbands because of this. I also know a Desi
men or two who stay with their wives despite the fact that the ladies drive
them completely crazy…in a bad way…
The
happiness and the love is out of their relationships. I could never understand
why they don’t leave a person who has become the source of misery in their
lives. But now I believe it is this tradition. Divorce, break-ups etc. are to
be avoided. Many Desis are taught to make the best of it. Same goes for other
relationships. Dominant parents are obeyed whether it brings the child happiness
or not. Mean friends remain friends too. Sometimes I wonder if Desis are ever
taught a thing or two about boundaries for self-protection and self-preservation.
Something that I’ve found quite normal in Western society, but not in Desi
society. Perhaps it has to do with group-culture … I do believe this lack of
boundaries results in some very unhappy Desis. It’s like it’s a rule, or maybe
just a tradition that family bonds, or other bonds are always tight and never
broken. I do believe in the strength of human bonds, but I also believe in the
boundaries for self-protection.
So, was it
tradition that kept Aarohi with Rahul, or love? I had to watch the movie a
second time to figure this out. Yes, I had truly become a bit obsessive. Can you
believe it? I purposely chose to bawl my eyes out for a second time. I should
really find a new hobby… Anyway, after seeing the film a second time I realized
that the happiness had left Aarohi and Rahul, but the love never did. One of my
best friends once told me that while you still have feelings for someone it’s
worth to fight for him or her. I agree, but as an objective observer and not a
hopelessly-in-love-lover I’d have to say that some of Rahul’s behavior crosses
a serious line. To me (and this probably differs per person) crossing certain
lines means all bets are off. Once you go there, there’s no coming back. I
guess, in the end, I don’t think love conquers all… Then again, as an objective
observer and not a hopelessly-in-love-lover that might be very easy for me to
say…
Beautiful song from the movie :)
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