When I was in high school I began to clash with reason (in the form of my peers) whispering in my ear, “Meghna do this, Meghna do that… Meghna, what do you mean you already broke the rules!!” I didn’t participate in love the way most of my classmates did. They didn’t understand why (maybe that had something to do with cultural differences?) and used to mock my romantic ideas. Though deep inside they could admit that my dreams were “indeed very nice…sigh…”.
It hit me a while ago that we have different approaches to love. Some of us favor the emotional approach. Some of us would claim that this category consist purely of women. I’d like to disagree. Others approach love from a rational point of view. Some of us would claim that this category consists purely of men. I’d like to disagree. I don’t think you can put people in boxes just like that. I believe that between two extremes there is a grey area. But some of us would disagree with me. Some of us put themselves and others in a box because they like it. Makes them feel good, comfortable etc.
Like I said, being a Desi I approached love from an emotional angle. It was the way I’d always seen in fairy tales and movies and I really believed that the longing, the drama and the pain were an indication of real love. I read somewhere that people prefer overwhelming emotions to simple, nice emotions. Thus, pain is elected over happiness. This is what most Bollywood movies showed me while growing up. To me that was love. However, at some point I was tired. Just tired. Of all the drama, all the issues, all the games. I’d stopped feeling the pain or maybe just got used to it, I dunno. But I remember feeling tired and thinking, “Is this it? Is this love? Why the heck do we look for this thing? It’s totally overrated!”.
After some more turbulence in my love life I met a very down-to-earth guy. I felt at ease with him and appreciated his honesty, openness and practicality. Though in retrospect I must admit that our first date closely resembled a job interview. And after a while I started missing something. There was a spark, but no fire. He invoked reason to take steps in our relationship. On the third date a kiss was allowed. After 5 dates, I’d meet his friends. After the sixth date, his parents…bla bla bla… Since Meghna ignored the rules in high school, you can bet Meghna ignored them in college too. To me the relationship turned into friendship. There was no romance, no passion, no love, except the type you feel for a friend.
Both ways are not my way. At the same time, they’re both my way. I need reason mixed with emotions. I don’t want to feel like my love life is a neatly ordered timeline I’m following, but I don’t want to drown in drama that started goodness-knows-why-and-goodness-knows-how. Balance, I believe is the keyword here. Balance between reason and emotions. So how does one do that? Approach love with reason and emotions… I thought maybe you start with one and then pull the other in. So I tried that.
I met a guy who looked good on paper. He had the same cultural background, same socio-economic background, he was nice and friendly, smart and attractive. It seemed perfect. My friend thought so too. My brain said, “Meghna this is the one for you”. My heart said, “Hell no! Thank you.” It didn’t work out.
I met another guy who touched my heart. I can’t really explain why or how. Maybe it was just hormones or maybe I’m just a sucker for a good sense of humor. We didn’t share the same cultural background or socio-economic background. He was complex and not a pretty boy. Nevertheless, the attraction was very strong. My heart said, “Go for it! Love conquers all!”. My brain was silent. Though I’m inclined to think that it was gloating as it anticipated the outcome. Word of advice: if you’re the only one in a relationship who thinks love conquers all, you’re headed straight for Mount Doom, without Sam for comfort :s Unless, like me you have friends even better than Sam ;-)
I think that I need both reason and emotions together at the same time when love comes knocking on my door. They need to work together to guide me. Though they’re opposites, when they can resolve their differences they can complete each other beautifully and give me that sense of direction that I’ve never really known. I’m not sure how that works, but I guess practicing to listen to my heart and my brain at the same time should help, right?
 |
| "City in the Rain" by Nidhi Chanani |
